NordenBladet – Obviously I am already compiling a novel based on my 24-hour mini-holiday trip to Viljandi (Estonia). This is volume 5 – and I gather this is rather odd! How long am I to continue telling you what I have seen behind this or that forest or what feelings arose with this or that field. Hahaa. This was simply way more important an event for me than purchasing in Los Angeles real estate in the value of 10+ million euros. As I have mentioned earlier – money and feelings stand completely apart!

In advanced years, with advanced experience people want more clarity – especially about what concerns the past. My elder sister has taken a great interest in digging as deep in the past as she can – due to this she has inolved high level personal history researchers and specialists to draw up a complete family tree. At this point she has complied and reviewed the genealogy from our father’s lineage so thoroughly that it is among the best investigated and mapped written sources of informtion about the past that is publicly accessible on Geni web. Thanks to my sister’s research project we have dicovered surprising kinships – for example  among Estonians one of the wealthiest, well-known and in my specialty (media) the most significant men – Hans H. Luik, who is in the cousin line a few generations back! Besides, we didn’t know earlier that the politicians named Helme are our relatives. People tend to know and communicate only with the closest of the relatives and at the end of the day on a larger scale everybody is related to everybody as cousins and kinsmen, however it is good to know in which ways the branches in the family tree have developed.

For example in the newspaper Postimees lately a story was published about Estonia’s oldest known person Maria Tomson (born Maria Geelman, on December 27th 1853 in Aru parish, Tartu county, deceased on April 26th 1966 in Holstre), having lived 112 years, three months and 29 days.

I would say that they have been inadequately informed… In our family line there have been people that lived up to 112 years – there are official entries in church books about that. Stemming from Suure-Jaani parish (belonging to Jaska manor) the farmer Tohver of Pojo farmhouse was born in 1607 and passed away 23.01.1719. But where am I directing this story? My point is: Those not remembering the past lack a future – the poet Juhan Liiv’s golden words. It is very interesting to discover the predecessors that we were inaware of before.

But let me continue with my vacation topic’s final entry. We stayed overnight in Intsu village, Männiku Metsatalu farmhouse. We were delighted about the place and we sincerely recommend the place to everybody, from all our hearts! Usually when you check in to a hotel, the receptionist takes a photocopy of your passport, also you must fill in a great many documents – yet there they only collected the money (merely 20 euros per night per person!) and that was it! So simple, easy and confiding towards the guests. Very pleasant! I continue to be enchanted about the place and probably already next week will be visiting them again – now with two sisters – the younger as well as the elder!!!

As you know, weird, unexpected and unprecedented events took place during my one-day visit, and there is no one explanation to those. People do not stumble upon ghosts, not every place is haunted and not every person can sense spirits… this is something that I am searcing an answer to. At the moment I can tell you that it has frequently occurred in our lineage and perhaps too commonly even to make a big deal out of this. Among my ancestors there have been a great many nature persons – people who read the nature like an open book – in every possible way. People who feel the vibes of nature, who read the signs from nature and breathe together with nature are very mighty – they possess great powers and force. I would not call this witchcraft or clairvoyance, but in reality the essence and consequences of this go further than those listed supernatural powers, being even stronger, even more powerful. With these skills and knowledge it is possible to heal, predict future event as well as interpret past events. However, now coming back to myself, I have avoided this all – clairvoyance, feeling the nature and energetics – as a conscious choice! Yet whenever I let it go, things start happening. Understanding and interpreting dreams is not new to me, perceiving loci and energies, glancing in the „mirror” of the past times. I even turned to my Rabbi regarding this, wishing to find a clear answer to what happened. And I can assure you I got an answer – it is not at all negative, but still rather unexpected for me and at the present moment I do not feel like I wish or want to share this with the broad public. Everything at it’s reasonable time! I myself must digest this knowledge for a while!

Hereby let us put an end to this vacation-narrative. In the morning my car had a broken tire and this is a sufficient sugn to quit the conversation on the Viljandi topic. Car service reached us in half an hour, replaced the tire and the critical situation was solved. After that we visited Ramsi, Heimtali, Puiatu, Matsimaa and Kõpu and drove back to Viljandi. We had coffee and cakes in a cafe in Viljandi and drove back home. Within this 24-hour holiday I had experienced more than a journey lasting a week. I intend to find time for myself in the future more often – to work well you must have knowledge to rest also – may it then last these mere 24 hours!

NordenBladet – Days are quickly dashing by and for a while now I have been back from the two-day vacation, doing this and that in my garden and proceeding with other daily duties. Yet the trip to Viljandi a week ago on Tuesday and Wednesday astonished me – why, because in a way it had been the world’s best mini-holiday, and besides I had discovered in myself so many features that still frighten me at the moment. For example the fact that deep down I know myself to have more „powers” than I realize or than I currently wish to admit.

But now I will continue from where I left off previously. Once we had visited Mustla, it seemed that lake Võrtsjärv was also close enough to be seen on our way. The best known and most visited sightseeing attractions near Võrtsjärv are at Kivilõppe – the stones of Kalevipoeg (Kalev’s son, the epic hero) and Vanapagan (Old Nick, the devil). The weather was on our side, on our track there was just once lightening, but we luckily drove past the great rainfall. Most of the day the weather was really fine. It was delightful to be on a road trip in the surroundings of Viljandi with my sister, we even agreed that it was like a real vacation and that we wouldn’t replace this trip with any fancy and expensive journey abroad.

It was about five o’clock when we turned from lake Võrtsjärv towards Paistu through Pahuvere. I had been driving since 9 o’clock in the morning, the last two hours with great pain in the leg. We fetched two bottles of mineral water from Mustla store and my sister took the wheel. The distances in Viljandi are not significant and no matter where you happen to be, it is possible to quickly reach any new destination. I am not completely sure if we drove through Pahuvere, but we arrived soon. Somebody from our relatives had already been to the cemetery and tidied everything up, so there was nothing much to do with the bucket and the watering can. To our great surprise a big tree had been chopped down near one grave and half of the stump was in the ground while the other half was bending over the grave. Very spooky and hideous. Also somebody had replaced the old wooden seat (made from a log cut into halves) with a varnished bench that reminded us of a casket on legs. We wrinkled our noses as we had the impression that it didn’t suit there very well. Later I mentioned it to my mother and wondered how the bench got there – when she replied that our uncle Peter (dad’s brother) had constructed and put it up, we viewed it with a new pair of eyes. It is my point of view that when a son builds something with his own two hands to equip and decorate his beloved mother’s grave, you simply cannot have a bad attitude towards it – and thus when we looked back it warmed our hearts that the new bench was there.

We were starting to get a bit hungry and so we decided to have a look at the Männiku Metsatalu farm in Intsu village. The plan was to stay there in case we liked it and if not so, we would easily find a decent hotel in Viljandi city centre. Intsu is actually not far from Paistu at all. We were there soon and happily noticed that the place was very beautiful, a peaceful setting amongst a thick and beautiful fir wood. At the time a family camp event was held in the farm – have you ever heard about such an enterprise? I had not heard about it, I did not know that there are camps where families (mother-father-children) all get together. Very interesting! The participants were accommodated in tents and we supposed there would be a noisy gathering in the evening – we ourselves had intended to take a serene walk in the forest, talk, have a cup of chamomile tea and then go to sleep. An urban subject’s spoiled thinking! There was really no noise, most of the people were in their tents quite early. Everything just seemed friendly-sincere-splendid-lovable. We had therefore no motive to dine in a faraway cafe or restaurant, so we drove to Viljandi and fetched some food from the supermarket for supper and breakfas (grapes, water melon, salad ad sandwich material). The farmhouse was completely empty and all to ourselves. We selected a convenient room, then had a light meal, chatted for a while and went to our room. And then it started… I am convinced that from as early as Mustla on we were not alone – a creature/ghost/being, I do not know the proper name – had been following us, or perhaps it was some kind of dark energy that we had amplified or, based on fear and ignorance, downright made up ourselves. Be it yet either one or the other, it really freaked us out! It was the feeling that there was something other than ourselves – something we cannot see with the eye, but only sense, perceive. Something that makes us draw conclusions, makes us, forces us to think of it. I was suddenly compelled to delete most of the pictures that I had taken during the day (something was telling me that I cannot keep those pictures). Also my conscience was not at peace until I prayed many times in a loud voice and asked for forgiveness that we had entered a private property unauthorized. The dark and gloomy feeling grew as the night went on and had us so scared that we started praying. I turned to Hashem and expressed my wish to always and only be on the side of LIGHT and even if I had a gift that some portals-channels should open and I would sense them, then I have fear for those powers and I wish not to sense them and prefer not to communicate with them. Oftentimes earlier I have realized that I feel and sense too much, I see something that others don’t, and when I open myself up, I can read places and people like people read books – but I do not want anything like that, nothing at all! I am scared of these things, indeed! Praying there as we were, we finally fell asleep. We had intended to find a real estate appraiser the following morning, to give those real estate offers a second try. Yet when morning came the plan crashed – a tire of my car was broken and absolutely empty. We now needed car service.

Once again, besides twisting my leg, this had also been somebody’s sign that we should back off and not continue our agenda that day or ever. I will let you know in the next blog, what was to follow and why clairvoyance scares me. Also I will say a few words about clairvoyant who gained popularity on television, Marilyn Kerro – a relative and also in the family among the more modest on the powers ladder. You may only guess what powers other members might possess when a player as big as that is yet in her „crib shoes”.

To be continued…

NordenBladet – It is unbelievable that there may be so many emotions in a single day! A brief trip to Viljandi seems like a trip to outer space – bringing along so many emotions, so many discoveries, so many great things to see!

In Ruudiküla we stopped the car to take a walk in the forest – my sister was wearing rainboots and I was in my flip-flops. It didn’t take long when I started lamenting about the danger of a possible snake moving in the hay. In a word – I was spoiling the event. So we went back to the car, I fetched my sister’s socks and sneakers and replaced my flip-flops. From now on it was a lot better. Yet soon enough we had to admit that instead of a fine forest there was plain brushwood. Well-well. It is not quite so easy to find beautiful fir forests in Estonia.

After a short while in the forest, telling how different it all used to be back when we were young, we decided to visit Mustla. This was due to a memory that Memm (dad’s mother) always used to say that we must catch the Mustla bus. Now this meant that we took Mustla bus to get from Viljandi bus station to Ruudiküla. Since Memm kept repeating the word Mustla so often, then it seemed proper that we got there to see the place. Of course we had not studied the map and ended up in a random destination. Actually, in a way this was what we wanted – not to navigate from target A to target B along the main road, but to have an adventure and try following the village roads and perhaps even hoped to get lost on the way. However, since the road network and all the street signs were so logical and reasonable, it was sort of a challenge to get lost in spite of that.

So we drove through the beautiful Viljandimaa, admired the various picturesque fields and finally reached Holstre. That place greeted us with the store named „Pärna”. Well-well, it was now obvious that a picture had to be taken and sent to Margus, so that he might easily recognize the current post and perhaps feel better after the somewhat goofy previous post — his last name is Pärn. It often happens that I say something rough and soon after will regret it. We entered the shop where there was a salesperson with blue hair, and I quite spontaneously took a few pictures from the alcohol section and cookie shelves. As a blogger I am used to always taking pictures, since you will never know what you might need and use later. Then the blue-haired salesperson objected that we may not photograph the interior and we departed mumbling to ourselves. And then, right in the doorway, something strange happened. As I noticed and followed a bus that was passing by, I got stuck and lost balance, and the next thing I remember was having fallen down in full length. I twisted my leg quite badly. And I was afraid that there is a crack in the bone. With this in mind and with great pain in the twisted leg, we left Holstre and proceeded towards Mustla.

Once we arrived at Mustla we were surprised how small the place really was – there was one cafe, one supermarket, one municipality house, a library and a school – and that was it. The cafe yet surprised us with very tasty local products. We shared a soup (€1.50), two locally baked different rolls and a latte, and it didn’t cost us even as much as four eiuros – I cannot remeber the exact sum, but I do remember that the meal was divine! We were positively shocked that a place as small as that had such a great menu and such super small prices!

After that we went to see a house in Tarvastu county that was for sale. What is to follow now is rather scary. At least the two of us got so frightened that we were shaking until late night, praying that we’d be pardoned for any unwanted disturbance that occurred to the possible creatures. Earlier we had spotted on a real estate portal an old farmhouse that was for sale and we got to thinking that in case the house was fairly adequate we might buy the place and try to fix and tidy it. Since our schedule was kind of scattered then we didn’t bother to call the broker-owner and decided that we just have a look from a distance (old houses are usually all the same from the inside – falling apart and in need of a total makeover). We were driving here and there and finally got to the path that we were seeking. We parked the car by the road and walked along the meadow towards the aforementioned object. My foot was still aching yet the curiosity and overall excitement exceeded the pain. Soon we were at the gates of the old farmhouse. The gate itself was missing, what I meant was rather the ground’s contour, the imaginary boundary. We shouldn’t have crossed that line, since it was private property and unauthorized entrance was not suitable. But then again, since the place was for sale in a random countryside, then we defectively gathered that we might look around a bit and see the yard somewhat closer. And now comes the scary part. There I was near the house standing by the wall, when I clearly felt that somebody was behind my back. I definitely and very truly felt it. We walked round the house with my sister and I told her that probably she might find me a little weird, but I had the impression that the house was haunted. And now comes the extra scary part. I had been convinced that my sister would recommend something like „make sure to reduce the next dose of liquor” or „you seem to have a hangover” or „try not to imagine things that aren’t really there”, but instead she said that she had had the very same feeling. To be more precise, she looked at me, petrified, and said: „I sensed the same creature, but I didn’t want to tell you, since I didn’t wish to scare you as your elder sister. It came to my mind that somebody was watching us all this time and I felt that there was something behind me. I tell you that there is something very strange about this place. I cannot articulate it, but thing are not in good order here. There is some dark energy here – sorrow, disheartening, solitude, something unnatural.”

We left the yard and went back to the boundary of the ground and a very unpleasant feeling befell us. We kept walking and reached the car. There we met a local inhabitant. We tried to describe what had just happened, but it was difficult. The woman replied that nobody has lived in this house for many years and that besides there are also no children in the nearest dwellings.

We now continued towards the lake Võrtsjärv, then further on through Pahuvere to Paistu and from there on to Intsu village, Männiku cottage in the woods. Events that started happening there were even more intense than so far – either the creature/ghost had followed us on our way or we were already too frightened to think rationally. At least it would be illogical that something didn’t happen despite two different people sensed it.

Read more about the trip to lake Võrtsjärv, the visit to Paistu cemetery and about events in Männiku Metsatalu cottage from the next blog!

NordenBladet – It is 8 km from Viljandi to Ruudiküla and somewhere in the middle there should be the notorious Ärma. It may be that my exact data concerning this place are somewhat insufficient, and yet, to be honest with you, I have not bothered to dig deeper into the issue and find out.

On our way from Viljandi city centre to Ruudiküla village we were joking with my sister that we could stay for the night in Ärma farmhouse (Ärma tourist farm belongs to the super active Twitter scribbler Toomas Hendrik Ilves, the president of Estonia during the years 2006-2016 and even today his Twitter account directs the reader swiftly to president.ee web page). There have been, on the local scale, enormous sums been involved in managing and advertising the place as a tourist farm… May it be located somewhere on our darling road to Ruudiküla or some place else, the fact is that you won’t find a tourist farm that is open for the common guest and the common visitor has no business near that site.

Actually, my concern for this issue stands next to nothing. Although I have no direct and personal connections with our former president, it has been the impression of him and his ex-wife Evelin that they are rather insolent and uppish people.

Possibly I am now doing injustice to the neighbour, but it simply is this gut feeling, the common insignificant average Estonian person’s gut feeling. Mr Ilves certainly is smart and has taken numerous useful steps on behalf of the country, yet it is this silent arrogant chewing-gum chewing impression that accumulates foes rather than friends. Similarly the ex-wife Mrs Evelin Ilves is more of a semi-educated self-exposing fribble than a genuine spokesperson.

On the other hand, the new Mrs Ilves is personally for me very sypathetic and leaves the impression of a lady. However, it is none of these three people that I wish to go on speaking about this very moment. I digressed. Totally. And it is my wish to see the positive, not the negative things around me, yet I tend to be the smarty-pants and also tend to focus on faults. When do I learn from my own mistakes?!

So let me continue! Viljandi, Ruudiküla used to be the home of my grand uncle Peter from dad’s line. There we used to spend time when we were young and the place is very close to the heart. The place was underprivileged and at that time also far away from the town, yet grandmother used to tell sweet stories that seemed to turn this place into a wonderland for me. Silgutare (Herring Hut) or nowadays known as Päeva-Pilli (Day-Tune’s) is not far from a wierd-named place Koerakuse (dog piss) spring – we used to go swimming there when we were children. It is a horrible place – full of leeches, but what do you do about it when it is a beautiful childhood memory of yours. The nature there is wild, we stopped the car to see a little goat find its way across the street. Also we noticed a duck family on the river and friendly cows in the next farm. I do love animals! They warm the heart, and so do children! I guess kids and pets have a very similar energy – pure, true, friendly and sweet! Silgutare has been sold more that ten years ago to a woman from Finland, who lives in Finland and visits Estonia seldom.

We contacted the owner and inquired about her plans with the place that she bought years ago. It is a pity to see that the place is falling apart and that ancient majestic trees are cut and used for heating. The place arises old warm feelings in me – in a way it is awkward to see modern buildings and plantations rising in the vicinity, and at the same time this old place is perishing. My grandparents hid themselves for ten years under that farmhouse and in the woods nearby at times of war. The house today is of no value actually – an old shed hardly standing, but the bushes and these ancient trees! These have been planted long ago by my ancestors and it is sad to have them chopped down for heating of Midsummer’s bonfire. The place has a story to tell – for us. I hold that the trees have certain energy, a memory. The nature sees and it remembers!

We took a tour in Ruudiküla and then headed towards Mustla… I know I have earlier promised in this post a story about Holstre, Paistu, Mustla and the ghosts – all this will be right in the next blog!

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PS!! When I returned home I checked out where exactly this Ärma tourist farm is located.

Wikipedia states the following (translation from Estonian):
Ärma countryhouse (also: president’s residence) is a real estate in Viljandi county, Abja municipality, Veskimäe village, a few kilometres from Abja-Paluoja. The house belongs to the Ilves family and dates back to 1763. The real estate is entered in the register with registration number 145039. The real estate has arable land and forest land altogether 80,1 hectars. The farm territory is 82 hectars. The owner of Ärma country house (with the previously stated address) is president Toomas Hendrik Ilves. Ärma countryhouse is rented out to private limited company Ermamaa (entered in the registry 18.01.2005, registration number 11097847), where the member of board is Evelin Ilves and the place is named Ärma tourist farm. Since 2006 it was in use as the president’s residence, for hosting foreign guests and as a stopping point for president Toomas Hendrik Ilves.

NordenBladet – Tuesday morning at 9.00 I carried the bucket, watering can and some other articles in the car and started off to Viljandi. The bucket and watering can were there since I intended to do some tidy up at the Paistu cemetery. I was very excited about the mini-holiday that was about to start. The children had gone to visit our Saaremaa granny the day before and after quite some time I was all by myself. Typically the „time for myself” has been put into practice as „time for others”, time for cleaning the home, time for super-intensive work or some other end – this time it finally really was time for myself!

Tuesday morning… I woke at 8 a.m. with a headache, uploaded the Finnish blog, checked the number of „likes” for my Estonian blog in the social media (a destructive habit with no actual effect) and then started to pack for the trip. The night before I got so excited about my new way of thinking that I overcelebrated and had a bit too much alcohol. So during this morning I profited from three aspirins and decided that this has now been a lesson in proper alcohol consumption. I proceeded with an icy shower and made up my mind that nothing could spoil my mood today.

I packed the laptop, and then unpacked it. Once more I packed it and once more changed my mind. It occurred to me that I needed to cut the „laptop comes first” principle. So the laptop remained home and this was a huge step forward for me! This step could be the equivalent for posing nude on the cover of a magazine – something completely unexpected and different from what I usually do or would like to do. Something beyond the box. Soon I was on the Saku-Rapla-Türi-Viljandi route. In Tõdva Alexela station I refuelled. It was €31.31 sharp (I have an economic small vehicle and the tank was not completely empty), and this being done I took off. While on the road I stumbled on many thoughts, most of the time I thought to myself that I was very happy. I smiled at my thoughts and it seemed that rain or shine, my vacation and journey will be unshakable. As a rule, I cannot stand a rainy day. And it is becoming the rule that I smile infrequently. I tend to be moody and nasty, so that Margus would use the vocabulary „oldster”, „chubby”, „snappy” and „witch”. I have to admit I am not much of a source of joy or in my size no feast for the eye. Without being a trained doctor myself or being diagnosed by one it is petty clear that for many years I have been profoundly depressed. This translates to not finding any joy in the process of living and to hoping that „the ultimate rest” will be a fitting end to the outrageous fortune. I am surrounded by loving family and relatives, but quite so often I cannot point out when and where it turns into being „overloving” or „excessively dominating, in control, dictating the right and the wrong and the proper conditions for everything”.

I kept driving and reached Türi. A big sign „Welcome to Türi! Please smile!” greeted me, so I smiled and thought – what a great sign! Then I recalled that the granny of the wife of my brother-in-law lives in Türi – isn’t this a nice place to live! The annual flower fair… I might visit that next year! As I was driving through the little town I saw a group of pensioners and got to thinking that Türi in Estonia is like Miami Boca Raton, where the elderly gather to enjoy the peaceful life. These thoughts on my mind, I dashed forward towards Viljandi were I was supposed to meet my sister at about 11 a.m., to start an adventure for two through Viljandi!

At 11 o’clock I arrived in Viljandi. I parked the car and walked to Amrita Cafe, where my elder sister was already waiting. Since she had sold her car just lately and has not bought a new one yet, she came by bus from Tartu this time. She is a few years older than me (40+), yet thanks to an affection for fitness she does look way younger than me and also is a lot slimmer. The bus driver had asked her whether she needed a full ticket or pupil’s discount. Awesome! So, we ordered green salad with beet toast and feta for €6.20, Mancello pizza for € 9.20, tea and coffee. When in Viljandi I always visit this cafe – it is very pleasant and gives a positive start for the day. After the light meal we went to shop for rainboots, yet these were not to be found nearby. My sister had taken along these cool Ted Baker rubber boots, since we had planned to go to the woods, the bog, and where else. As for me, since I had the morning that I had, I started off with flip flops and forgot all about rainboots or even sneakers. This is actually not like me at all – it is very common that I make plans and write lengthy lists of bring-along stuff and also pack the bags already a week before the event. Usually I am responsible, with forsight, and I plan things very carefully and in advance. However, this time it was the exact opposite. My conduct was exceptional, I was being the opposite of myself. So, since rainboots were not for sale nowhere nearby and we did not wish to continue looking for them, we startedd off to Ruudiküla with the intention of briefly digressing to the president’s farmhouse in Ärma or nearby. Ärma should be located near the summer cottage of my childhood, but since we have not taken so much interest in it then we had not found out more about it.

To be continued… (in the next blog: Ruudiküla, Holstre and Mustla. And rushing ahead of the events a question for the reader: can it possibly haunt in ancient places? And do you believe that ghosts exist?)

NordenBladet – I have been working so endlessly that everything inside is turning – at times night and day get mixed up. My last vacation was 4 days back in November 2016 when I took some OHMYGOSSIP team members, networking partners and a couple of co-authors on a journey to Morocco. It is possible to refer to those three days in June as a vacation when a good Finnish friend of mine, Tuija Järvinen visited me, yet these days, too, tended to be half work and half leisure.

 I am so very exhausted and so overwhelmed by work that I sometimes cannot but find myself entertaining the idea of separating from my husband and starting from scratch some place else – just me alone and my children. At times of weariness it appears to me that particularly Margus has the most demands on food and is the most eager to make a mess that needs to be cleaned up. As you may understand, somebody has to be responsible for the inconvenience… For example, I find it very annoying that he expects to have meat for dinner every day, while I am gradually becoming a vegetarian or perhaps even a vegan. As far as I am informed about this, the difference between these two is that a vegetarian has also eggs, dairy products and fish on the menu, while a vegan narrows it all down to plain herbal components.

It is painful to picture in my mind the torturing of animals. Similarly, I cannot stand the misuse and direct waste of food. In our family it is unfortunately quite so often the fact that the fridge is full of products, everything is opened up and unpacked straightaway and then there is nobody to really consume all that – so it is soon no longer edible and must be thrown away. It just drives me mad! Seriously! Maybe this is a defective attitude, but lately I feel the inner pressure to be in unison with nature and this view is in clear conflict with consuming vast quantities of meat, needlessly wasting food and other resources (at least in the manner and amount that it is happening today). Definitely I am not the person to toss around claims like „Never again!”, however, I do belong to the group of people that hope to continuously take small steps towards creating an atmosphere of respect for animals and the nature. Lets say, my cat fell ill (impaired the vocal chords) – this has me very worried. My concern for the cat may be as significant as to render me incapacitated. I daily and annually run monumental web portals that feed the curiosity and information needs of hundreds-thousands readers every day. Yet when a family member or cat (who is likewise the family) is ill, it is rather that I discontinue the job and withdraw the contracts than neglect my family (including the pets). At times like that there will be no newsfeed and that is the end of the story. My team partners know that already and they can accept it. There have been days like that, though seldom. I must admit that except for my younger daughter’s autistic disorder (which is not a common cold), nobody in our family has actually been ill for ages and my newsmill has been working for the past ten years nonstop… It is however a pity that I have not managed to line up my own personal health requirements, inner needs and emotions with those of others. I should be doing so, since lately I have not been feeling very well. I feel the urge to let myself be for a short while. Plainly. Be. Simply. Randomly. Offline. Off duty. Even a few days away from the glowing screen, all signed out and shut down.

I am fascinated by the idea of cutting the expenses and economizing and I find wastefulness annoying. Two thirds of my lifetime I have done everything to serve the idle end and find friends among those who fancy the pouring money. And need I say I have been successful on this path. I have profoundly desired to unrestrictedly own it and show my attitude without filtering the inappropriate details – just because I can. I know, it does sound stupid, but to be honest, this has been my purpose for many a year – to be as solid, as autonomous that nothing would get me off the track, that nothing would shake me, that I would act upon my own will. It is a common wisdom that money accumulates in the pockets that already hold it and that wealthy friends and profitable connections lift you up on the property ladder. However, there is a fine line between remaining your true self and becoming a mere robot for attaining your ambition of outdistancing the mediocre, becoming the best, the first, the richest of all. Today I argue that this has been in vain. I have been among people that I largely dislike and am not fond of, I have been seeking to please. The money and the fortune is not worth that. Happiness stands diametrically apart from money. Independence has a value and is necessary to a point, but further down the road it turns into arbitrary outflow of energy. It makes me very happy to realize this state of affairs today. For sure, there will remain a certain amount of doubt – would I be the self-confident and well off person that I am now without following that path?! I cannot know. The people, the opportunities, the circumstances vary. So do the purposes. I do know that I am among the most widely read Scandinavian, American and Brazilian bloggers thanks to the great commitment of the past years. I will elaborate on that in the posts yet to come. And for now, my darling friends…

…I’m going to tell you something wildly surprising… I will be off for a holiday in the next two or three days!! I will travel to Viljandi with my elder sis and that is even more thrilling than a wedding trip! It all starts in the mind – happiness, joy, relaxation! I wish to wander in the forests, roam the tiny villages of our countryside, behold my grandmother’s grave, and simply be. We will meet as soon as we meet, but not before a few days time! I am off for a holiday!

PS! a synopsis of the super sweet and positive emotions that entwined all fellow Estonians after the Song festival „Mina jään!” („I am to be!”) from Sunday, 2 July, will be posted along with the picture gallery shortly after my holiday!

NordenBladet – Yesterday I wrote on my blog that I value simplicity and nature more and more. I feel that at one point our current consumer society is about to collapse – people will simply fall ill. Õismäe silver willow has been gaining ground in media recently, but it is just the tip of the iceberg – consistently building these cold stone blocks and destroying nature has been given a kick-start that sooner or later this “endeavour” will be a success and the dot will be put for a long time.

I like the message the Avatar movie delivers – everything is connected in nature. In my opinion, that is the way it is. When you spray-use chemical pesticides on your plants, to eradicate pests, you actually poison your own food. By violating and destroying nature, you destroy your own life. There are too many cars and more coming. Many cars are so old and should be scrapped, but they are still driving and nonstop emitting poisonous black exhaust gases to our atmosphere. Everything is so artificial and automatized – every step and move we make is with a remote, all the things are wired or with batteries. The raspberry jam you buy from the shop might not be from real raspberries because different flavour substitutes replace them more cheaply. Food can be preserved for years. The seams of clothes tear before the first wash and kids’ toys break on the same day when handed to them. Everything is built up in the way to bring us around again. Children do not have any favourite toys because none of the things can become a favourite one as they break up before. Today, most of the people do not know how a tomato straight from the greenhouse tastes like and what colour is the egg in reality. Eco-shops do not differ a lot from the usual shops these days – natural products are actually not that natural and ecological there. Estonian products are mixed with the Polish in the markets – it is cheaper this way, it is more profitable. People’s words and promises are worth less and less nowadays – thus the lawyers earn more and more because agreements have to be formalised for everything today, not to lose anything. Perhaps I have painted such a black picture now.

But what shall we do? First of all, start with yourself. It is nice to be a smart ass, but the reality is that small things lead to big changes. For example, I always buy only Estonian products wherever I can to support our local farmers. I also do it in Sweden and Finland – if possible, I always support local farmers, I do not buy things from China, Poland and so on. I have grown simple things myself for a long time – for instance, tea. I only drink lime-blossom, chamomile and peppermint tea grown by myself. Every year I preserve berries, raw jam and apple juice. I also grow dill, parsley and other herbs. While shopping I try to choose primary food products (potatoes, flour, oat flakes, etc.), not processed food or prepared food (canned soups, cakes, food in vacuum packaging, etc.). Recently I have even baked bread myself. As I do not like spending too much time in the kitchen I have my own simple recipes and methods how to prepare complicated recipes easily and deliciously. As an example, I make bread without leaven and it still tastes like bread.

The recipe: 60% of oatmeal, 35% of rice flour, 5% of almond meal, 2 eggs, 2 tablespoons of oil, 2 tablespoons of blackcurrant jam, some sunflower seeds, sesame seeds and raisins and water. Put a pinch of oat flakes on the top of the bread, it just looks nice. I like to bake bread in muffin moulds because in a usual bread mould my dough stays half-baked, in smaller moulds it is baked evenly and the bread muffins are lovely and small.

I have to stop now. Ivanka Shoshana will go to see dance celebration with her grandmothers and grandfather and I have to take Estella Elisheva to Festival Arena to practice for the song festival. They say there are already traffic jams, so I have to set myself going. All the best!